Tuesday, February 24, 2009

how much?!

good news and happiness comes at a price.
no, not money... unfortunately.
but it seems like every single time something good happens, the bad news follows twice as hard.
there's gotta be someone who is the teller of this bad news, and there's gotta be a way to pay them off.
i'm not against bribery.
just let the pain stop... i'll do anything.

auntie frannie... franshka..., you can beat this... you're too strong of a woman to let this take you down.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

pretty much.

i watch so many csi and crime and law and order and whatever type shows.
and i really don't think anything of it.
i just watch it and i think it's totally awesome.

but i'm sitting here and there's a car that's been parked outside my house blocking my driveway for the past half hour, and i'm scared shitless.

i keep thinking i'm gonna be the next episode.
why do i always freak out and overanalyze everything?

oh, right, it's cause I'M CRAZY.
well, maybe not crazy, exactly... but i'm pretty out there, that's for sure.


Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, welly, well.

what happens when you finally stop questioning the logic behind every situation and just let in the reality of life in the sense of "whatever happens, happens." ?

the kind of happiness that people only dream about.

happiness is happening.

Saturday, February 14, 2009


all you really need to do is laugh at yourself and your friends.


Wednesday, February 11, 2009

screw facebook!

i was looking at all those "25 things" notes that everyone wrote, and i thought about doing it... but then i never did.
and i don't wanna do it on facebook anymore, so i'm gonna do it on here :)

1. i don't have a definite style of clothing, whatsoever... i just like colors and even if i don't think some things will go together well, i'll do it anyway, i love experimenting.

2. i tell people how much my brother annoys me and how i like it better when he's not home; but i know it's not completely true. i miss him all the time.

3. my family is really important to me. i've got a pretty big extended family because my dad used to be 1 of 10 kids, and well, we're all together a lot. but pretty much i only have about 5 cousins that i'm really close to out of all my... literally 50-ish. and i still miss jeffrey every day. (2 months gone today <3)

4. i hate my hair. everyone thinks they want curly hair, but i tell them no. i hate my curls and they frustrate me so much, which is why i only asked for a straightener for christmas.

5. i love coloring. and construction paper. and glitter. and pretty much any type of arts and crafts. i've always been artsy and such in random ways, and i want to work and michael's or hobby lobby sooooo baddddd.

6. i chew my gum really obnoxiously. i can't help it, so please don't get annoyed of me... i mean, i like chewing gum and everything, but i just know how much people hate it when i chew like a cow. i apologize in advance.

7. i use excess amounts of the following: ketchup, mayonnaise, peanut butter, and salad dressing. you can tell me how gross it is every single time, and i'll tell you too bad every time too.

8. i'm so lucky to be hitting 5 months tomorrow. my guy is really sweet, and he makes me smile every single day. he really means a lot to me. <3

9. i used to be die-hard sports and athletics in general, but i tore my acl in 8th grade and i still haven't recovered from it fully. that might be why you see me limping sometimes or complaining about knee pain... but now i'm all about softball. (please don't call me a man, it gets old reaaaaal fast. )

10. i don't like school too much anymore. i've lost so much will power since right before winter break, and i feel like life needs to be lived because you don't know when it's going to end... so i don't like the idea of homework anymore.

11. i'm not a hermit that sits in my house and listens to and stalks the jonas brothers all day, so i'd appreciate it if people didn't think i was a crazed fan... thank you.

12. i love videogames. i grew up around all boys, so that's where i learned it all. i've got my n64 still hooked up at my house, so hit me up and we can play the classics like mario kart and mario partyyyy.

13. i love my friends. i'm so lucky to have all of them, really. without them i don't think i'd have any idea who i was.

14. my mom worked at my grade school, and i got so many special priveleges. it's really unfair but now that i look back on it, without that i would have died in that shithole of a catholic institution.

15. i only swear when i get really frustrated with whatever i'm talking about. or when i get really excited. and if i am swearing, you'll be able to tell if it's the mad type or the excited one hahahaha.

16. i'm such a perfectionist. i'm trying to get better, but when i have to do a project or something, i get crazy. i'll always be a stressed out mess and i'll go over everything like 4 times more than i need to.

17. i'm also a huge procrastinator. like right now i'm supposed to be working on a sociology project and reading the grapes of wrath. obviously i am doing neither. bad choice.

18. i love fire. i'm always playing with it and burning things. my mom has realized that she can't leave me alone with a candle anymore.

19. i don't regret anything i've done, because there's no reason to constantly think about the past instead of moving ahead into the future.

20. i'm obsessed with harry potter. full out. i love everything about all the books and i know most of the words to all the movies. me and my friend have a marathon of all the movies before we go to see the new ones, it's awesome.

21. i hate being sad, but it consumes most of my time.

22. i'm a huge pessimist in most cases, so please bear with me... i can't fight it.

23. i am a cubs/cardinals fan, and the sox can go suck a dick. :P who cares how much you win, it's more about the pride and the love of the game in my eyes.

24. i hate when people talk about me behind my back. i think it's shallow. it proves that you don't have the guts to say it to my face either, making you a scared little bitch, ususally. i especially hate when it has something to do with the relationships i have with my friends though... that bugs me so much. and i SWEAR if another person says that they think my boyfriend is going to cheat on me with my best friend, i'll shank them. give it up, if i can't trust those two, who can i trust? grrr...

25. i've realized that i don't ever want to be "popular" again, by any means whatsoever. i'd rather just live my life being myself and having as much fun as i can, instead of knowing the most people i can. i don't know, i find it more rewarding to get excited about the things i want to get excited about, instead of always restraining myself like i used to... and it's stupid i know, but i've realized that there are some days when i actually do miss my old best friends.

there it is, 25 random facts about yours truly.
get to know me though, there are only so many things you can say through a computer screen.

Monday, February 9, 2009

i need a place.

there's gonna be a day, very soon, where i go and look for a place.
not just any place, but one where i can just go and think...
far away from what i know but close enough to where i need not go far.

i just need one.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

live for the good times.

i love it when you're just happy.
and when you can just sit there and put one thing on your mind and it just makes you smile.
i haven't felt this way in a very very long time...
and i'm thankful that's it's back.

on a different note,
the grammy's are on tonight!
woo woo yeaaah.

it's gonna be good, i love awards shows.

Saturday, February 7, 2009

life is like a box o chocolates, ya never know what ya gonna get.

forrest gump is my all-time favorite movie.
it's the one movie that i can watch over and over again, and never get bored of it.

(that might explain why i've watched it about 4-5 times this week)

it's just the basic storyline of love at first sight, with some of the most defining moments in american history over the past 30 years influenced by one man named forrest.

it's crazy. i don't even know how to describe it.

but every single time i've ever watched it, i tend to recite the lines... but there's one line that i don't say out loud.
this one i have to hear for myself, because it sinks so deep.

"I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time."

i agree entirely, forrest.

Monday, February 2, 2009

you're strapped down, with your blindfolded eyes

i've decided that this is my favorite song right now.
it's helping me with some... issues.

urbanites: electric; city of the future.

we're the same,
can't you see through my skin..?
pink inside,
there is no difference.
but with such a fine line between;
right is right you'll always be wrong.

it's too late for you to turn things around.
there's no time for you,
you're on your way out.
well just close your eyes and let it go
there's no reason you should hold on.

don't wait, don't wait;
just put it behind you.
bury, bury...
the past is behind you.

you're strapped down,
with your blindfolded eyes.
the electrician is waitin' for a sign,
but the call that you've been waitin' for;
never comes, never goes through...

it's too late for you to turn things around.
there's no time for you,
you're on your way out.
well just close your eyes and let it go
there's no reason you should hold on.

don't wait, don't wait
just put it behind you.
bury, bury...
the past is behind you.

who knows if those lyrics are even right.
it's what i hear.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

that's how the whispers start

hello super bowl sunday.
i used to love you and long for you ...
but now i just can't stand you anymore.

because that day in 2006 was not a good one for me;
it shifted my life into a totally different direction.

i'm thankful for it though,
it's made me realize greater exactly who i am.

i know one door opens when another one closes...
but sometimes i wish that the door i thought would close after that day
would stop getting caught.